Here in the west, we have bought into the lie that those who have really “made it” never need to ask for help. Self-sufficiency has become the unofficial pinnacle of success. We have an ethos that encourages us to horde wealth and resources all our lives in order to avoid asking for help. "Every man for himself"– that’s what we used to call it on the playground. Who knew it would become the mantra to live by…And most of the time we feel good about it. We feel we are doing the world a favour by taking care of our own problems. We pride ourselves in not “burdening” anyone. If we can go through life without putting anyone out, we figure we’ve done a great deed. But what if that’s all wrong? What if the whole idea and purpose of life together on this planet is to care for one another instead of desperately working towards the absence of reciprocity? What if we were meant to depend on each other? What if we were made to need each other? What if avoiding the need for help robs others of their true purpose for being alive? It might explain the alleged increase in middle/ upper-class depression over the last century. Maybe the more individualistic we become, the more we lose the deep meaning of both giving and receiving. We have preached relentlessly about serving others, but seldom talk about being vulnerable enough to accept a helping hand. Do the math – it doesn’t work. Those who finally get to the place where they need no help realize they are desperate for someone to care enough to see their need.
Think about it - the very way we live in the West is testimony to how we feel about individualism. We whole-heartedly embrace it. We have gated communities, fenced yards and rules for conversation and eye-contact on sidewalks and elevators. We actually have to entice people with faster commutes to get them to ride with someone else on the freeway. And heaven forbid you strike up a conversation on the commuter train. Advertising companies love us for it. They know we would rather stare blankly at an ad for Vagisil than talk to someone right next to us. Yet within this drive towards self-sufficiency, we sit in our individualism with a profound sense of feeling alone. We hole up, watching movies like The Lord of the Rings, longing for the kind of companionship we see on the screen. The irony of our existence is evident; “leave me alone, I’m lonely”…
